6 words the greatest leaders NEVER use

Most managers use them daily

Hey team, happy Tuesday,

We measure everyyy KPI in business. Revenue, churn, pipeline, deadlines. We obsess over those numbers.

But culture… The single biggest predictor of whether a business will succeed or fail? We do a survey once a year, cross our fingers, and hope for the best.

That always felt insane to me. So built something to change it.

It's called Custard. Real feedback from your team in under 30 seconds, anonymously. And then AI (responsibly trained on everything I know about leadership) tells your managers exactly what to do about it.

And in less than a week, we’ve got 700 people on the waitlist. Don’t miss out:

[Join the Custard waitlist]

Now.. Back to the point

6 words the greatest leaders NEVER use

Earlier this month I was running a workshop with a senior leadership team. An incredibly talented group of middle managers, but with some big pressure to perform from their seniors. And within the first ten minutes, I’d heard one leader on the phone say three times:

“I just need to check…”

Just.

It’s one word. 4 letters. And it was sneakily dismantling everything this leader was trying to say before she’d even finished her sentence.

And I don’t want to sound preachy here, because for years, one of my biggest insecurities as a leader was my vocabulary. I would avoid speaking in meetings because I was convinced I sounded stupid.

I thought if I knew more fancy words, I’d sound like I belonged. But in truth, it was never my lack of vocabulary that was the problem, it was certain small words I was hiding behind.

The way you speak is a skill. And like every other leadership skill, it can be practiced and improved. So I started small. One word at a time.

That’s exactly what I’d recommend here. Pick one from this list this week, then notice how often it comes up, and eventually replace it altogether.

So here are the 6 I’d cut first.

[Quick disclaimer: Not all of these are single words. Some sit inside phrases, but it's usually one word doing all the damage]

1. “Just”

“I just wanted to check…” “I just thought maybe we could…” “I just need five minutes…”

Every time you use it, you’re shrinking yourself before you’ve even made your point. You’re apologising for taking up space and signalling that what you’re about to say probably isn’t that important.

Cut it entirely. Say what you mean and own it.

2. “Always.” “Never.” “Everyone.”

This one changed how I communicate at work and at home.

In psychology, these words are called ‘absolutist language,’ and they’re one of the most well-documented triggers for defensive behaviour in human communication. Therapists flag them in couples counselling. Conflict researchers flag them in negotiations. And managers use them every single day without realising the damage they’re doing.

Here’s why they’re so dangerous: When someone hears “you always do this”, they don’t hear the feedback. Their brain immediately goes hunting for evidence to disprove it. Every exception. Every counterexample.

“You always miss deadlines.” “Actually I hit the deadline in March.”

And just like that the conversation is no longer about the behaviour you needed to address. It’s about whether your word choice was accurate. You’ve handed them an escape route and the real issue got buried.

It’s just as destructive at home by the way. “You never listen.” “You always do this.” The moment an absolute lands, the other person stops hearing the feeling behind it and starts building a defence case.

Swap it for the specific.

“In the last three weeks I’ve noticed…” “This is the third time this month that…”

Specific is harder to argue with, and it keeps the conversation on the behaviour.

Which as a leader, is exactly where you want to be.

3. “Sorry”

Apologising for asking a question, having a thought or for existing in a meeting.

I see it constantly (especially in women). Sorry should be one of the most powerful words in our entire vocabulary. It should mean something. But when you use it forty times a day as a social reflex, it stops meaning anything at all and it starts eroding all the authority you’ve worked hard to build.

Save your sorry for when you genuinely mean it.

4. “Does that make sense?”

This one is sneaky because it sounds like good leadership. Like you’re making sure everyone’s with you. But what you’re actually doing is asking for reassurance.

Does that make sense? translates as: I’m not sure I explained that well. Please tell me I did.

Swap it for: “Let me know if you have any questions?”

Same intention but with slightly different energy. One signals doubt whilst the other signals confidence.

5. “I don’t mind”

Ok I must admit this is one I have a personal vendetta against. When I ask Char what she wants for dinner and she says:

“I don’t mind.”, then I suggest doing a salmon pasta and she says “mm I’m not sure about that”.

So… You minded, Char. You minded the whole time!! haha.

But back at the office, this looks like:

“Which approach should we take?” “I don’t mind, whatever the team thinks.”

“Should we go with option A or B?” “Honestly, I don’t mind either way.”

But you do mind. Even if you need a little longer to think about it, you do have an opinion and that opinion is valid. You have a preference. And every time you say “I don’t mind” you’re not being collaborative, you’re opting out of making a decision.

You don’t need to always dictate the answer… You can still invite input, i.e: “I’m leaning towards option A, what are your thoughts?”, but lead with your view first.

That’s what both your team, and seniors, are looking for from you.

6. “Hopefully”

“Hopefully we’ll hit the target this quarter.” “Hopefully the team will get there.”

Every time we say hopefully, we’re handing our power to chance. We’re telling our team (and ourselves) that outcomes are out of our hands and that we’re a passenger.

Great leaders don’t hope. They plan, act, course-correct, then communicate. Replace hopefully with “We’re on track to…” or “Here’s what we’re doing to get there.”

Yoda said it best. "Do or do not. There is no try."

Final thoughts

Although it can feel scary, language truly is one of our greatest leadership tools, and most of us are using it against ourselves without even knowing it.

I’d LOVE to hear from you, drop a comment and let me know which one you’re most guilty of:

Peace,

H x

P.S. If you haven’t joined the Custard waitlist yet, you’re truly missing out on all the behind-the-scenes fun. See you there.