Hey team, happy Tuesday,
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Now, on to today’s topic...
6 words the greatest leaders NEVER use
Earlier this year I was running a workshop with a senior leadership team.
An incredibly talented group of middle managers, but with some big old pressure to perform from their seniors. And within the first ten minutes, I’d heard one leader on the phone say three times:
“I just need to check…”
Just.
It’s one word. But I winced a bit, because it was sneakily dismantling everything this manager was trying to say before she’d even finished her sentence.
And I don’t want to sound preachy here, because for years, one of my biggest insecurities as a leader was my vocabulary. I would avoid speaking in meetings because I was convinced I sounded stupid.
But over the years I learned, the way you speak is a skill. And like every other leadership skill, it can be practiced and improved. So I started small, editing one word at a time.
And here are the 6 I started cutting first.
[Quick disclaimer: Not all of these are single words. Some sit inside phrases, but it's usually one word doing all the damage]
1. “Just”
“I just wanted to check…” “I just thought maybe we could…” “I just need five minutes…”
Every time you use it, you’re shrinking yourself before you’ve even made your point.
Cut it entirely. Say what you mean and own it.
2. “Always.” “Never.” “Everyone.”
This one changed how I communicate at work and at home.
In psychology, these words are called ‘absolutist language,’ and they’re one of the most well-documented triggers for defensive behaviour in human communication.
Therapists flag them in couples counselling, and managers use them every single day without realising the damage they’re doing.
When someone hears “you always do this”, their brain immediately goes hunting for evidence to disprove it.
For example:
“You always miss deadlines.” gets the response → “Actually I hit the deadline in March.”
And just like that the conversation is no longer about the behaviour you needed to address. It’s about whether your word choice was accurate, and you’ve handed them an escape route and the real issue got buried.
It’s just as destructive at home by the way. “You never listen.” “You always do this.” The moment an absolute lands, the other person stops hearing the feeling behind it and starts building a defence case.
Swap it for the specific.
“In the last three weeks I’ve noticed…” “This is the third time this month that…”
Specific is harder to argue with, and it keeps the conversation on the behaviour.
Which as a leader, is exactly where you want to be.
3. “Sorry”
Apologising for asking a question, having a thought or for existing in a meeting.
I see it constantly (especially in women). Sorry should be one of the most powerful words in our entire vocabulary. It should mean something. But when you use it forty times a day as a social reflex, it stops meaning anything at all and it starts eroding all the authority you’ve worked hard to build.
Save your sorry for when you genuinely mean it.
4. “Does that make sense?”
This one is sneaky because it sounds like good leadership. Like you’re making sure everyone’s with you. But what you’re actually doing is asking for reassurance.
Does that make sense? translates as: I’m not sure I explained that well. Please tell me I did.
Swap it for: “Let me know if you have any questions?”
Same intention but with different energy.
5. “I don’t mind”
Ok I must admit this is one I have a personal vendetta against. When I ask Char what she wants for dinner and she says:
“I don’t mind.”, then I suggest doing a salmon pasta and she says “mm I’m not sure about that”.
So… You minded, Char. You minded the whole time!! haha. Love ya really.
But back at the office, this looks like:
“Which approach should we take?” “I don’t mind, whatever the team thinks.”
“Should we go with option A or B?” “Honestly, I don’t mind either way.”
But you do mind. Even if you need a little longer to think about it, you do have an opinion and that opinion is valid. But every time you say “I don’t mind” you’re just opting out of making a decision.
6. “Hopefully”
“Hopefully we’ll hit the target this quarter.” “Hopefully the team will get there.”
Every time we say hopefully, we’re handing our power to chance. We’re telling our team (and ourselves) that outcomes are out of our hands and that we’re a passenger.
Great leaders don’t hope. They plan, act, course-correct, then communicate. Replace hopefully with “We’re on track to…” or “Here’s what we’re doing to get there.”
Yoda said it best. "Do or do not. There is no try."
Final thoughts
Language is one of our greatest leadership tools, and most of us are using it against ourselves without even knowing it.
But reading this email won’t change the way you speak, only practice will do that.
That’s exactly what The Strategic Leadership Challenge™️ is for.
It’s 6-weeks, with one short challenge a day. Some reflection, some action, all designed to turn the leadership stuff you already know into things you actually do, and leadership language is a big part of it.
Doors open soon, don’t miss out: Join the waitlist.
Peace,
H