How to handle a disagreement on your team

Because 'people problems' don't have to be complex

When our team gets anywhere past the 2/3 people mark, we’ll find ourselves going home regularly saying:

“All I ever do is deal with people problems”

And because we are all complex, emotional, and irrational beings, there is rarely a quick fix for drama or conflict at work.

But just because people problems are tricky, doesn’t mean they should be ignored.

In fact, the way we deal with people problems in our team will define how great we can ever become as a leader.

So to try distill these complex problems into something simple, I’ve got a framework you can use next time your team come to you with ‘drama’.

Conflict Resolution Framework: Facts not drama

Here’s what to do the next time a team member approaches you with a highly emotional situation

We’re going with Simon and Betty as our 2 team members

Simon comes to you and says:

Betty is so annoying to work with, she never hits any deadlines, she never pulls her weight in the team, I feel like she never respects me when I give her my opinion, and we’re gonna miss out on a project deadline because of her.

You have just been given the dramatic version of events. Looking something like this:

Now, drama isn’t invalid. Emotions are important. Listening and empathising with what Simon is saying is very important.

However, you can not deal with those emotions. You can not fix this dramatically version of the problem.

It’s our job now as a leader to find the facts.

If we take what Simon said, here are the facts:

• Simon feels disrespected by his colleague

• Betty seems to have missed a deadline

• Simon feels as though Betty doesn’t contribute as much as the rest of the team

• A deadline might be missed by the team

This is the much less dramatic version, you now have facts.

We can deal with facts, we can go through that list and help resolve the conflict.

Here’s what I’d do:

1. Encourage Simon to have a direct conversation with Betty about how he feels. Depending on how highly emotional this is, you might want to mediate it as the leader. But if it feels ok, I’d give them space to talk alone. He needs to explain exactly how he’s been made to feel by Betty’s actions.

2. Ask Simon and Betty to make a collective plan to pull together to hit the deadline and bring it to you. Do they need extra resources? Pull back the scope of the project?

3. Speak to Betty about her experience, ensure that you’ve heard the full story, then decide whether or not Betty needs performance managing formally to get her work back to the right standard. Or perhaps Simon was unnecessarily making the complaints, in that case, he may need performance management instead.

4. Finally, close the circle by ensuring you catch up with both Simon and Betty on how things are 1 week later, then again a month later. This shows you care, and really are committed to moving them forward.

Summary

Conflict resolution can and should be kept simple.

People's problems can often be solved easily by wading through the drama.

Make space for emotions, but don’t allow those emotions to dictate the outcome, as emotions are illogical and rarely show the truth or the facts.

Always fight to find the truth.

Peace,

H

P.S. If you have any conflict situations you’d like to talk through, drop them in the comments and let’s discuss them together 👇