“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done properly.”

The hidden behaviours holding you back

Hey teammm happy Tuesday,

I’m in London this week working on a huge campaign with one of the biggest career influencers on the planet (genuinely). I can’t say who yet, but I’ll drop a clue after my “H…” sign off at the end 👀 respond and let me know if you guess it.

We NEED to discuss a sentence I hear over and over again from managers, always said with a familiar guilt:

“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done properly.”

And I want to talk about the truth underneath that sentence, because it’s rarely actually about the quality of work being produced, and is usually about fear.

Fear of being judged.
Fear of letting your boss down.
Fear of being seen as someone who doesn’t have it all handled.

And when fear is running the show, even the strongest managers become bottlenecks. So let’s break down the the 4 behaviours that turn high-performing managers into bottlenecks, and how to finally remove the fear behind it.

Quick break to remind you

We’re only a few days away from our big community masterclass built for managers who are exhausted from over-explaining, over-working, and over-proving themselves:

💥 How to Gain Authority: The 4-step process every people-pleasing manager needs to earn real respect. 💥

You don’t want to miss this. Get your ticket.

(Code: ITMDISC20 for your In The Making exclusive discount)

Now back to bottlenecks…

The 4 behaviours that turn high-performing managers into bottlenecks

Let’s breakdown how to finally cut out each of these behaviours for good.

Behaviour 1: You solve problems (because it’s faster than you teaching them)

High performers are quick thinkers. Of course, your brain naturally goes:

“It’ll take me 8 minutes to explain this… or 90 seconds to just do it myself.”

And so you do it. But every time you choose speed over teaching, you train your team to wait for you next time. Not because they’re incapable, but because you’ve made yourself the fastest, safest route.

The fix: Ask, don’t answer.
“What’s your first instinct on this?”
“What would you do if I wasn’t here?”

It feels slow at first. But I promise it eventually frees you.

Behaviour 2: You’re carrying roles you’ve outgrown

So many of you said versions of:

• “I’m balancing the role work and team management.”

• “If I don’t chase, nothing moves.”

• “I end up doing their tasks when they’re too slow.”

This one is painful because it’s tied to identity, we became successful by doing the work ourselves, but now leadership requires us to succeed by helping others do it.

That transition feels like losing control, credibility, and safety.

The fix: Separate importance from ownership.
Just because it’s important doesn’t mean you should own it.

Create a list with three columns:

• Must stay with me

• Should be delegated

• Needs a system

Most managers realise 30–40% of what they’re clinging to belongs in the last two columns.

Behaviour 3: Your team mirrors your emotional state.

From our survey data, these phrases come up the most:

“I’m drowning.”
“I’m anxious they’ll fail.”
“I can’t trust them.”

The problem is, your team feels what you feel.

It’s called emotional contagion (a well-proven phenomenon supported by extensive evidence), showing our team’s subconsciously absorb their leader’s stress, anxiety, and urgency within minutes.

And when they sense you’re tense or expecting mistakes, two things happen:

1. Their accuracy drops

2. They stop thinking for themselves and come back to you for reassurance or sign-off

Not because they need you, but because your energy tells them it’s safer that way.

The fix: Regulate yourself before you lead. Your team responds to your nervous system more than your words. I do this by taking one slow exhale before I speak about anything stressful, it signals to my body that I’m safe, and my team will feel that shift too.

Behaviour 4: You protect people from consequences

If you’ve ever thought:

• “I don’t want to seem harsh by giving them more work”

• “I end up just doing it myself to avoid conflict.”

Here’s the paradox: Avoiding consequences for your team creates consequences for you, because when you shield people from discomfort, you absorb it instead.

You become the safety net.
The fallback.
The “It’s ok cos she/he will fix it” energy.

The fix:

• Stop quietly fixing things.
  Send work back with: “Take another pass and tighten sections 2 and 4.”

• Let missed deadlines be visible.
  Not to punish, but so they learn to own the update, not you.

• Don’t rescue at the first sign of struggle.
  Ask: “What’s your next step?” instead of jumping in.

You cannot become the leader you want to be if everything still flows through you

Being a bottleneck is a signal that you’re doing too much and carrying too much.

A signal that your systems haven’t caught up with your standards.
A signal that your team has more potential than they’re currently allowed to use.
A signal that your identity as “the capable one” is costing you the space to lead.

And here’s the shift:

Your job is no longer to be the smartest person in the room,
Your job is to make the room smarter.

Leadership is giving away the things your ego wants to keep.

And when you finally manage, the whole system unlocks and work can finally feel lighter, not because there’s less of it, but because it’s no longer all on you.

Peace,

H 🪜