Being friends with your team: The dos and don'ts

Where should the friendship lines be drawn?

For the majority of human history, we accomplished ‘success’ at work using the grim brutality of forced labor.

Then cue the Industrial Revolution 250-ish years ago and we replaced it with bureaucracy. A massive step in the right direction… But hardly inspiring.

Fast forward to 2024, and we’ve seen some of the world’s biggest companies prove that there’s a more productive, human way to work than control.

We’re more focused on culture, empathy, and fulfilment at work than ever before.

We now build emotional bonds with our teammates that can last a lifetime (I know I have).

But in doing so, we’ve created a new problem for ourselves…

Where on earth do the lines need to be drawn?

Luckily for you I spent my early years in management roles f*king this up over and over, crossing all the lines possible and falling flat on my face as a result.

But a couple of years back, I decided enough was enough, especially since working in corporate, I started to get really strict on boundaries in all aspects of my work.

Friendship boundaries included.

But that being said, I still wanted to be friends with my team, I didn’t want to cut them off. So I built some rules for myself, to allow friendships to blossom, but not to cross lines.

At the bottom of this post, you'll find a spreadsheet outlining various scenarios such as 'post-work drinks' and 'weekend socialising' detailing the dos and don'ts necessary for fostering a robust team bond while maintaining healthy boundaries.

But for now, let’s dig a little deeper into what a ‘manager-teammate relationship’ should look like:

The difference between a friendship and a manager-employee relationship

A friendship is a 2 way street, with both parties investing the same amount of love and energy into making it work well.

A manager-employee relationship is a 1 way street. The manager should be the one providing support, actively listening, making space and resolving conflicts. Your team member shouldn’t be expected to do the same back to you.

The best leaders build deep human relationships with their team, there is emotional investment and empathy. But the most important part…

They don’t expect it back.

So can I be ‘friends’ with a member of my team outside of work?

The full grid of manager-friend boundaries below is behind a paywall as it is incredibly valuable. Paid members keep scrolling to access.
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