I hated networking, so did this instead

Building a solid network (the non-icky way)

Gooood morning team,

You must have heard the phrase:

‘You're the average of the five people spend the most time with’

I agree. But we don’t all have the luxury of being surrounded by top-tier mentors, visionary leaders, or high-performing peers every day.

So, how do we level up our thinking, decision-making, and leadership skills when our immediate circle isn’t pushing us to grow?

Networking. The word gives me shivers.

I can’t even tell you how much I disliked small talk. Stuffy rooms. Names forgotten. Rather be at home with my loved ones.

BUT I did still manage to build a solid network over the years, so let me show you how I did it (the non-icky/awkward way), to build a strong leadership network.

We’re going to cover:

1. Your digital network

2. Real life mentors (inside & outside of your company)

1. Your digital network

We spend four to seven hours a day on our phones (that one shocked me too).

That means our biggest influences aren’t colleagues or friends, but the content we consume.

Some time in 2018, on a day I felt particularly shitty about myself, I saw Kim Kardashian post a picture with wet look hair next to her G-wagon in LA. And me, sat there struggling to get to payday, felt a deep, creeping sense of inadequacy.

It was a slow erosion of self-worth, that came from constantly seeing an unattainable standard of beauty, wealth, and perfection.

And I was getting a stark reminder, every time I opened my phone, of all the ways I didn’t measure up.

So I unfollowed Kim. And then I unfollowed loads of other models, influencers, and people whose content - while beautiful and fun to look at - was actually making me feel crap.

Very slowly, it helped me to reclaim my mental space.

Then I took it a step further, and started filling my feed with things that lifted me up instead of making me spiral.

Here’s how:

• Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison or self-doubt.

• Follow people who inspire, challenge, and educate you - leaders, thinkers, finance experts, mental health advocates.

• Engage with content that promotes growth and learning, not just entertainment (to trick that algorthym).

By taking control of your digital world, you turn scrolling into something that can help fuel (not drain) you.

Turn doom scrolling into… boom scrolling 💥 (sorry).

2. Real-life mentors

Beyond the digital world, having mentors in your corner can change the game. But how on earth do we find them? (without going to stuffy networking events)

Inside your company

Identify someone you admire. It shouldn’t be your boss - it could be a leader in another department. We want to find someone who’s just a few steps ahead of where you are now - someone who’s successfully navigated the challenges you’re currently facing. Not someone who is unattainable.

These kinds of mentors offer invaluable, company-specific insights that external mentors might not have. They understand the culture, the internal dynamics, and the unwritten rules that shape success in your workplace.

The best part is, most people are more than willing to share their experiences if you show genuine curiosity and respect for their time.

When I first started working at Sage, there was a woman who I admired in meetings because she was so bold and unapologetic about her time boundaries. Reguarly reminding people to stick to topics and holding us accountable.

I knew I really wanted her as a mentor, so I reached out.

Identify 2/3 people in your company you respect and admire, then, keep it simple, send them a message like this:

📩 Email/Slack/Teams message example:

Hi [Name], I really admire how you [specific skill or approach]. You’re someone in the busienss I’d really apprecaite the opportunity to learn from.
Could I take you for coffee, or get a Zoom call in to ask for some advice on a couple of specific scenarios at work?
No pressure at all if your schedule is packed, but I’d really appreciate the opportunity to ask a few questions.

Mentorship like this doesn’t need to be formal and recurring to be impactful. It can just be a one off call here and there.

It’s really powerful to have allys and people on your side who are going to challenge you and help you grow. And I’m sure you’ll have lots to give them in exchange too.

Outside Your Company

While internal mentors can help you navigate your current workplace, external mentors really helped me to broaden my perspective and challenge my thinking.

This bit gets a little tricky and our fear of rejection sets in, and it’s usually where people give in.

I almost didn’t include this section in this newsletter, but I need to challenge you to expose yourself to opportunities beyond your immediate environment.

How on earth do I find an external mentor?

I honestly believe we overthink this process. When we’re looking for ‘mentors’, we don’t need to look for someone who is willing to give up their time on a recurring basis. But it could just be someone who you ask a very specific piece of advice from.

Or someone you get a coffee with once. Or a 20 minute call in the diary.

1. Leverage LinkedIn – Linkedin is a networking goldmine. I promise it isn’t as scary as we think. Start engaging with industry leaders’ posts, commenting thoughtfully and resharing posts with your thoughts. This builds familiarity before you even reach out.

2. Cold Outreach (That Actually Works) – A simple, genuine message can open doors. Instead of sending a generic "Can I pick your brain?" message, be specific. Compliment a post they wrote, reference a talk they gave, or mention something they’ve achieved that resonates with you. Then, ask for a quick chat or advice on a particular challenge.

3. Industry Events & Conferences – Whether virtual or in-person, events give you a reason to connect. If you hear someone speak and their insights resonate with you, follow up with a message on LinkedIn or via email.

4. Online Communities - Every industry has Slack groups, Discord servers, or private communities where people at all levels connect. I remember finding an amazing marketing facebook group back in the day.
   I felt like i’d found my tribe. Have a search around online to find your people.
   (We’re also opening up the Fresh Leadership World community to a small group very soon. Join the waitlist.)

Action round up

1. Curate your feed

2. Reach out to 2-3 mentors inside your company

3. Start commenting/engaging with thought leaders on LinkedIn (challenge yourself to do this for 30 days!)

You got this.

H

P.S. If you want to keep learning, I posted a 6-minute YouTube video yesterday talking about how we can properly recognise high-performers…