Steal my script for giving difficult feedback
The only method you need
Happy Tuesday team,
Before I get into today’s topic, I want to say thank you.
This time last week, we opened Custard up to our waitlist. 50 spots. Gone in just over an hour.
We’ve been building Custard behind the scenes for 6 months, and last week was the first time it went out into the real world. Hundreds of team members are now inside it, and today, their managers got their very first culture scores. Eek.
Thank you to everyone who jumped in and trusted us with it early. It means more than you know.
And because of how fast those spots went, we’re planning to open a second round in a few weeks, so if you missed it, read more here.
Right, onto today’s topic...
There’s a moment from my early management days that still HAUNTS me. I was an Assistant Manager at Harrods, managing people who were older than me, more experienced than me, and seemed farrr more confident than I felt.
One team member kept turning up late. But not dramatically late, I told myself, nothing that felt “serious enough” to warrant a conversation. Ten minutes here. Five minutes there. The kind of thing you tell yourself you’ll pull them up on “next time”.
So I didn’t say anything, I told myself I was being empathetic and I didn’t want to be nit-picky.
But then very quickly, lateness became the norm. What I ignored didn’t disappear, and the rest of the team started to take note. Then slowly, it lowered the bar for everyone else (why wouldn’t they now turn up late too??), and not to mention damaged my authority with the team.
By the time I finally addressed it, that conversation ended up being ten times harder than it ever needed to be because I’d left it so long.
Over the years, I’ve had some brutally difficult conversations.
I’ve fired people.
Explained that someone isn’t ready for the promotion they expected.
Telling a long-tenured employee that the role has outgrown them.
But as I became more senior, eventually working as an Ops Director, I realised that the conversations that feel the hardest in the moment aren’t the ones that cause the biggest damage. The big damage comes from the conversations you avoid.
That’s why the most important rule I’ve learned in leadership is this:
Never ignore it.
I didn’t build this framework in one go. It started as a few scribbled notes before conversations I didn’t want to have. Then I refined it, stress-tested it, and stripped it back to what actually worked when emotions were high and stakes were real.
I’ve now used this framework hundreds of times. I still use it today. And I’ve yet to find a difficult conversation it doesn’t help with.
I call it the 4P’s Framework.
Please steal it. Screenshot it. Print it. Write it down. Take it into the room with you if you need to.
Because the more of us who stop avoiding these conversations, the healthier our teams, our standards, and our working lives become.
The 4P’s framework for having difficult conversations
1: PURPOSE
Firstly, explain why are you having this conversation? What’s the outcome you actually want
“I want you to have more ownership, and I need to be able to trust the updates I’m getting.”
This stops the conversation becoming a rant and it anchors it in intent.
2: PROBLEM
What specifically needs addressing? Keep it factual and contained.
“I’ve had to chase progress several times after we agreed deadlines.”
Not “you’re unreliable”. Not “you don’t care”. Just the issue.
3: PROOF
What evidence makes this objective, not personal?
“On Tuesday I was asked for an update I didn’t have, and we then missed Thursday’s deadline.”
This is where defensiveness softens, because you’re not attacking character, you’re naming impact.
4: PATH
This is the part many managers skip, but it’s the part that actually creates change.
What happens next? What’s the expectation, and what changes?
“From now on, I need a weekly update with what’s done, what’s next, and any blockers. That’s how I stay hands-off without losing visibility.”
Final thoughts
Don’t be hard on yourself for struggling with this.
I know after training thousands of managers now, that the managers who earn the most respect STILL don’t find this easy. It’s not supposed to be easy, they still feel the same nerves, the same hesitation, the same discomfort.
The difference is they don’t let that stop them.
See you next week,
H