Hey team,
Happy Tuesday, we’re officially in challenge open week, and I can’t wait to meet so many of you inside! There’s lots of filming and finessing happening over here at FLWHQ. See some of you inside VERY soon.
The 6 secret traits of a truly respected leader
I got this so very confused at the start of my leadership journey, but being liked and being respected are not the same thing. And most of us, myself included, find that out the hard way.
When I first stepped up to manage people, I reallyyyy wanted my team to like me. I said yes too often, softened feedback until it meant nothing, and covered for people when I should have had the conversation.
And the strange thing was, the more I tried to be liked, the less anyone actually listened to me.
That’s beacuse respect works differently.
You can’t ask for it, and a job title doesn’t hand it to you.
It gets built, or chipped away, in hundreds of small moments that nobody writes down.
After training more than 20,000 leaders (wth), I’ve noticed the ones who earn it tend to share the same 6 traits.
And ALL of them are learnable.
1. They’re the same person on a Monday as on a Friday
The worst manager is the mood-driven manager. Your team is constantly reading you, and if your mood decides whether an idea gets heard, people just grind to a halt.
Respected leaders are predictable in the best way. They practice emotional intelligence, meaning they hold the same standards, same tone, same reaction to bad news whether it’s a good week or a terrible one.
People know where they stand, so they can stop managing you and get on with their work.
2. They tell the truth, kindly
Respected leaders say the hard thing, and they say it early, because they’ve worked out that silence isn’t kind.
Letting someone walk into a performance review blind is the unkind option. Telling them three months earlier, with a plan and some belief in them, is the caring one.
3. They hold people accountable because they care
Accountability comes from a true place of care. Respected leaders hold the bar high precisely because they believe their team can reach it, and they never apologise for holding their standards high. It might be tough, but it means the entire team gets built and consistently levelled up together.
4. They give the credit away and keep the blame
It sounds simple and it is. It’s also rare. Every time a leader stands in front of senior stakeholders and takes the hit for a missed deadline, then fixes it privately with the team, they bank a huge amount of trust. Every time they quietly claim someone else’s idea, they spend it all at once.
5. They make it safe to disagree
Respected leaders actively go looking for the dissent.
They ask “what am I missing?”, they don’t get defensive and they don’t let their ego get in the way.
They thank people for challenging them (especially in front of others). The result is a team that tells them about problems while they’re still small enough to fix.
6. They grow people, even if it means losing them
The best leaders I’ve worked with measured their success by where their people went next. They put team members forward for opportunities that would take them out of the team and talked openly about careers and development.
It feels counterintuitive. Why would you train someone to leave? But people don’t respect the manager who kept them comfortable. They respect the one who made them better, and they tell everyone about it for years.
Respect is built in the tiny moments
Notice that none of these six are big gestures.
Nobody earns respect with one brilliant all-hands speech.
They earn it in the follow-up email they didn’t have to send, the awkward conversation they didn’t put off, the credit they handed over in a meeting when nobody would have noticed if they hadn’t.
That is actually great news, because it means respect isn’t reserved for the naturally confident or the effortlessly charismatic.
It’s a set of habits, and habits can be practiced.
Peace,
H
PS. Respect is a set of habits. The Strategic Leadership Challenge gives you one to practice every day for six weeks.
Doors open tomorrow, early-bird pricing won’t hang around, and enrolment closes 4th November. Come and join us?