I have a question though, specifically on point 3 - how do I differentiate between pushing them to learn how to make their own decisions, and leaving my team to handle everything without my input. The latter feels like I’m denying them my support
Hey, great Q. For me, the difference is how you support them. I have to stay focussed on not doing the thinking for them.
You’re still there to ask questions, sense-check, challenge their thinking and help them weigh options. You’re just not being the final decision-maker every time.
If you’re improving the quality of their thinking - that’s support.
If you’re providing the answers, that’s where it moves to dependency.
The fact you’re even worried about this tells me you’re very much on the “supportive” side already though! H x
Oof feeling some of these deeply, particularly the ones about the long term problems I am creating for myself by avoiding discomfort! Guess I had better subscribe 😅
Ha - honestly, we’ve all been there. Avoiding discomfort always feels like relief in the moment… until future-us has to deal with it. Glad this resonated, and very glad you’re here, H
There's a few in there about not delegating, being too busy, being too relied upon etc. I feel these deeply because all I want to do is delegate and have a bigger team so that I don't have to pick up as much of the work. I have had countless conversations with my manager about it but he doesn't seem to get that I'm not the person that's supposed to be picking up the slack. It's a really hard position to be in because I'm also being looked to to make more time for strategic work but I'm in an impossible position.
"Giving tough feedback is hard. But managing the same underperformance for months is harder. Choose your hard." I definitely have experience of line managing someone earlier in my career who I gave regular small bits of kind feedback to but never really sat them down and told them the truth of how much better they needed to work to meet the standards of the job. It was painful for the whole team and if I could do it again I would be a lot more upfront from the get-go.
Yup!! Tou’re absolutely right. That “kind feedback but not the full truth” trap is one so many of us fall into early on. We tell ourselves we’re being supportive, but really we’re avoiding the discomfort of being clear.
Thanks for sharing this, I know it'll resonate with alot of readers (and me!) H
Love these! If only this was taught in the early stages of new manager roles…..
Totally agree. We throw people into management and hope for the best... These are the conversations that should happen much earlier. H
Really great tips here!
Hey Jennifer, Thanks for commenting, really pleased that these are useful for you, H
I agree with every single point here! Thank you! I need to come back often and remind myself
I love this. And you’re not alone - leadership is a practice, not a one-time realisation. Thanks so much for sharing this, H
I have a question though, specifically on point 3 - how do I differentiate between pushing them to learn how to make their own decisions, and leaving my team to handle everything without my input. The latter feels like I’m denying them my support
Hey, great Q. For me, the difference is how you support them. I have to stay focussed on not doing the thinking for them.
You’re still there to ask questions, sense-check, challenge their thinking and help them weigh options. You’re just not being the final decision-maker every time.
If you’re improving the quality of their thinking - that’s support.
If you’re providing the answers, that’s where it moves to dependency.
The fact you’re even worried about this tells me you’re very much on the “supportive” side already though! H x
Oof feeling some of these deeply, particularly the ones about the long term problems I am creating for myself by avoiding discomfort! Guess I had better subscribe 😅
Ha - honestly, we’ve all been there. Avoiding discomfort always feels like relief in the moment… until future-us has to deal with it. Glad this resonated, and very glad you’re here, H
There's a few in there about not delegating, being too busy, being too relied upon etc. I feel these deeply because all I want to do is delegate and have a bigger team so that I don't have to pick up as much of the work. I have had countless conversations with my manager about it but he doesn't seem to get that I'm not the person that's supposed to be picking up the slack. It's a really hard position to be in because I'm also being looked to to make more time for strategic work but I'm in an impossible position.
"Giving tough feedback is hard. But managing the same underperformance for months is harder. Choose your hard." I definitely have experience of line managing someone earlier in my career who I gave regular small bits of kind feedback to but never really sat them down and told them the truth of how much better they needed to work to meet the standards of the job. It was painful for the whole team and if I could do it again I would be a lot more upfront from the get-go.
Yup!! Tou’re absolutely right. That “kind feedback but not the full truth” trap is one so many of us fall into early on. We tell ourselves we’re being supportive, but really we’re avoiding the discomfort of being clear.
Thanks for sharing this, I know it'll resonate with alot of readers (and me!) H
Number 11, ouchhhhhh!!
it really does feel good to feel needed