"I went from mate to manager, what needs to change?"

7 things I wish I'd done sooner

Hey team happy Tuesday,

I have some very exciting updates from HQ this week:

• This time next week, Custard, our platform giving all leaders the rocketfuel the need to lead their team well, opens again. Make sure you’re on the waitlist to join us.

• And more of a personal one, in just 3 weeks, I’m headed off to get married eee. It’s a slightly surreal feeling. I’ll be doing something I’ve never done before on this newsletter, so keep your eyes peeled.

But today I just had to bring our focus back to such an important topic…

Am I too friendly with my team?

I read through hundreds of messages from managers every month, and the biggest pattern of all sounds a little something like this:

• “I got promoted and I don’t know if my team take me seriously.”

• “I’m managing people who used to be my friends and I feel like I’m falling apart.”

• “I’m worried I’m being too nice and friendly to my team”

This is the problem. More than burnout, more than Gen Z, more than any single skill gap… This transition from peer to manager is wrecking more leaders than anything else I see.

Because when we move into that leadership role, we don’t only get a new job, we get a new relationship with every single person we used to eat lunch and gossip with.

Growing pains

I want to take you back to October 2020, I’d just got the news I was being promoted to ‘Operations Director’ at GoProposal

We were a small company at the time, only a team of 12. I was excited for a salary raise, fancy title. I’d been working so hard for years to get there.

Then Monday rolled around… And after the announcement to the rest of the team, the dread quickly set in.

Now I actually…. had to do it. Eek. These people who had all been my peers, shared drinks with, told secrets to, and who I viewed as a ‘friend’, I now had to manage them.

The process stuff I found simple, the increase in responsibility and technical expertise of the role… Fine.

But I now had a team of 11 under my wing. And just the week before were mates.

I’d actually done this transition once before when I’d moved into a marketing manager role, but this time felt serious. So I started fiercely watching YouTube, dusting off my old notes, and made a plan of how I could transition from ‘mate’ to ‘manager’, as quickly as possible.

I felt like:

• I had to prove I was worthy of listening to

• They were thinking ‘who is she to tell me what to do’

I was in the Ops Director role for 3 years, as the team grew, nobody ever left, we had incredible results over the years, my salary went from about £45k to £120k+£40k bonus, all because of the results I was having with this particular team.

I figured this out the hard way, but imma tell you all you need to know in less than 300 words…

The 7 things that worked the best for me going from ‘peer’ to ‘manager’

1. Be curious

   “Take time to be interested, not interesting”
   A lot of the imposter syndrome we hold in this situation comes from the fact we feel as though we need to know all the answers. Like somehow being the ‘boss’ rightaway means we have to know everything.
   Give yourself 30 days to ask questions and listen, instead of dictating meetings and giving answers.
   

2. Stop hiding
   I had a tactic of always sharing a few insecurities of mine with my team. As soon as you say an insecurity out loud, it loses half of it’s power.
   It also brings your team closer to you and helps them come along this journey of progression with you.
   You don’t need to share all the gory details, but something like
   “It feels a little strange for me, going from your peer to your manager, and it’s an entirely new feeling that I’m currently figuring out. So if you feel the same or have any questions, I’m an open book so let’s talk it out”
   

3. Pledge your allegiance
   Your team need to trust that you’re on their side and that you have their best interests at heart, that you’re going to find them new opportunities and advocate for them when they’re not in the room.
   
   Now’s time to dig out the suggestion box, and just like when Ted Lasso increased the shower pressure for Roy Kent, try to fulfil one wish of each person.
   It could be a small payrise, getting rid of one of the responsibilities they don’t love, or even something as small as reguarly ordering soy milk into the office
   Whatever it may be, start making little moments of magic happen.
   
   (and if you’re confused on the reference because you haven’t watched Ted Lasso you’re seriously missing out on all the greatest leadership lessons in life).

4. Growth > Perfection

   Stop focusing on being right, focus only on getting better. That way, if you f*k up, it doesn’t matter.
   Ultimately, you’ll become way less scared of failure, and stop letting that fear hold you back from all the growth you deserve.

5. It’s going to be scariest at the beginning
   The 1st time you have a difficult conversation with them will be hard.
   The 10th time will feel like second nature.
   The 1st time you have to set new rules, you’ll be shaking and nervous at the announcement.
   The 10th time, you’ll go in there like a confident machine and command the room like the incredible leader you are.
   But you can’t get to the brilliant 10th time without doing the bad 1st.
   

6. We’re not put on this earth to be liked by everyone
   
   Being a manager means making tricky decisions that might piss people off
   So guess what most people do? They try win the approval of as many as possible, and just never make a decision
   Never grow and move forward
   
   Remind yourself, we absolutely cannot excel in our work and life if we’re afraid of being disliked
   So long as you’re being kind, acting in the best interest of your business and team… It doesn’t matter if you don’t win instant approval
   Because you will win the long-term respect

7. Please don’t change that much

   The truth is, you don’t need to change all that much. You’ve been given the position ‘manager’ because of who you are right now. You don’t need to become 10x better overnight. You are enough exactly as you are.
   
   You don’t need to change how you communicate, how you dress or how you present. You don’t need to magically become someone else. You are enough.

What would you add? How did you manage the transition from peer to manager? 👇

Peace,

H